DEAR GOD!

How long will you make me wait,

Tormenting me in this state?

When will I meet myself,

When will you call me, my fate?

When will you make me yours,

And close these painful doors?

In this life's journey, loyalty's not within me,

Grievances with myself, not with Thee.

I sought the destination, but it disappeared,

Convincing myself, not you, my Dear.

What more can I say?

Maybe I was never meant to stay.

My own have broken me, not strangers,

Others left, but my own caused dangers.

Forget others, the fault is mine,

I'm not even true to myself, divine.

Why do I do this to my heart?

Do I not know my secrets from the start?

Am I ruining myself on purpose?

Or is there hope beneath the surface?

I'm wrong for seeking loyalty so near,

They listened, pretending to care.

But then revealed my secret scars,

Was it wrong to ask for loyalty in stars?

Yes, my fault was seeking loyalty in humans,

So Prone to break and cause confusion.

No grievance with You, my closest friend,
As close as soul and body blend.
In Your presence, I find solace and mend,
Our bond, timeless, will never end.

Yet I bring You pain and deep regret,

So unworthy to hold Your hand.

Did I ever cry out from the depths of my heart?
Did I ever make You mine from the start?
Did I fulfill my promise of loyalty to You?
Did I hold Your rope strong and true?
How many times did I bow sincerely?
How many times did I console You dearly?
How many times did I hurt You deep,
Repeating the mistakes I promised to keep?
How many times did I repeat my sins?
How many times did I let strangers in?
How many times did I make lies my own?
How many hypocrites have I known?
How many times did I cause You pain,
Yet You forgave me again and again?

Why did You forgive my mistakes every time?

Why did You make me smile, so sublime?

Why did You take away my sins each day?

Why did You show your love in every way?

Why did You bring me closer, again and again?

Why did You make me feel like a good man?

I'm not worthy, can't You see...

I fail to befriend You, honestly.

The flaws are in me, deep inside,

How much longer will I blame myself, and hide?

How much longer will I say humans are disloyal?

Yes, the loyalty's gone, my efforts are toil.

Yes, the grievance is with myself, not You,

When the fault is mine, what can I do?

When my heart is stone, why should I love, too?

The pain and heartbreak are my own, it’s true.

Once I also had love,
I realized too late, as our dreams were undone.

I don’t know why she left, feeling so bereft,

The fault wasn’t mine, but I’m left with the heft.

Oh...

Is this even worth the plight?

Don't know how such nights came to light,

Yes, we know some things did unfold,

She met another, and turned cold.

From there, we became distant, closed our doors,

Closed our hearts, became proud, and more.

Opened books, and the pen shattered in two,

But even today, it feels like she loved me, too.

If only she had said, made it clear,

Today, for You, we've become distant, dear.

BUT NO... (GOD)

For You alone, because You are mine,

This truth endures through all of time,

To whom You give Your love and grace,

You make everyone Yours, in every place.

I am also Your servant, waiting still,

So, when will You call me, fulfill my will?

Grant me strength, to walk Your path,

Guide me through the aftermath.

In Your light, let me find my way,

Keep me close, and never stray.

In Your mercy, let me stay,
Lead me gently, day by day.

Grant me peace, both night and day,
In Your love, I’ll find my way.

In Your love, I’ll find my way.

In Your love, I’ll find my way.